Election Coverage 2024
Tuesday, July 9th, 2024
CAMP OFFICE circa 9:00pm—The Dead Bug Collection is one of the greatest experiments ever undertaken in the world of Winnarainbow. From its humble beginnings in the early 2010’s as a open cardboard box with bug carcasses sloshing around in it, to it being transferred to a nice plastic box with a lid, to its first democratically held elections in 2016 where the two major parties were established—Slug and Wasp—the Dead Bug Collection has been a beacon for amateur entomologists and pessimistic absurdists everywhere. As explained in the Day 6 blog, both human candidates indefinitely suspended their campaigns for the Dead Bug Presidency on Saturday, and it was reported that two actual dead bugs would be nominated in their place.
Yesterday, Monday, we learned the identities of the two replacement nominees:
CRANE FLY (Wasp, behind the bathrooms)
UNKNOWN SCAVENGER (Slug, dish pit)
It is my pleasure to report that today, Election Day 2024, the first actual dead bug Dead Bug President was elected by popular vote.
Voting began promptly after lunch in the Tipi Circle near the Camp mailbox.
“There’s been lots of turnout,” said Drama Instructor Patrick Belton. “Unknown Scavenger is killing it in the exit polls. I think it’s the name un-recognition. There’s a lot of mystery and that’s intriguing. I think Crane Fly gets bad rep for looking like a giant mosquito. I don’t understand why our only options are two dead guys, though I guess it’s apropos for something called the ‘Dead Bug Collection’.”
“I’d like to know more about Unknown Scavenger, and if it’s unwilling, I find that suspicious,” said Ollie, 14, of the Red Tipi. “I’m not gonna lie, I do like the size of Crane Fly, I think that’s an advantage. I feel like it will get down to business and make the tough decisions.”
“I am of the stance that the Unknown Scavenger has good qualities, but people don’t give Crane Fly enough credit,” said Teen Staff Max.
“I’m voting for the little guy,” said Maintenance Man Angel Herrera. “The little guy always wins.”
“I voted for Unknown Scavenger because big bugs are scary,” said Teen Staff Suleimon. “Little bugs are less imposing, more compassionate and approachable. Little bugs deserve a seat at the table.”
One camper who wished to remain anonymous found an unrelated dead bug near the polling location. Foul play is not suspected at this time.
“Think I don’t care much about any of it,” said Phoebe, 14 of the Blue Tipi. “I don’t like propoganda and I think the Dead Bug Collection will stay the same whoever wins.”
“I’m voting against Crane Fly,” said Cyrus, 11, of the Flame Tipi. “I don’t know much about the Unknown Scavenger but it’s gotta be better than Crane Fly. I honestly haven’t heard much about the election even though the polls are right next to my tipi.”
I cruised up to the chess grove to beat some campers in chess, one of our many outreach strategies to get out the vote.
“I think the dead bugs should be able to live and die without human intervention,” said Sadie, 14, of the Blue Tipi. “Furthermore, we shouldn’t string up bug corpses for our own amusement. The whole election is illogical.”
“What about sea shells?” questioned Unicycle Instructor Arek Rein Jungwirth. “I think those necklaces with ants cast in resin are okay.”
“It’s the biggest election since George Washington was elected,” said Solomon, 13, of the Purple Tipi. “I’m voting for Unknown Scavenger because of Crane Fly’s corruption. On the question of bug jewelry, I think it’s weird but morally neutral.”
“I think we need to ban DEET,” said Juggling Instructor Memo Gosnell. “But we should definitely have term limits.”
I made my way back to the Tipi Circle, passing a small group of stilt walkers.
“I think the bugs were here first, so I don’t see a reason to have an election about them,” observed Mae, 12, of the Rainbow Tipi. “If you hurt bugs, they’ll hurt you. Just like a mosquito needs blood from a human or animal, without bugs we wouldn’t live and neither would plants. I don’t know exactly how it works but I looked it up once.”
“We have a lot of crane flies at home, so I know that even though they look scary, they’re harmless,” continued Mae. “I like Camp. Some spiders and mosquitos have bitten me, but that’s the circle of life.”
“I think the election is too competitive,” critiqued Soleil, 9, of the Gold Tipi. “Since this is a hippy camp, we should just hang out with the dead bugs. Hippies are chill, but I don’t want to be a hippy when I grow up. I wanna be a hip-hop dancer.”
“The Dead Bug Collection Election is great; I like the democracy of it all,” said Sivan, 13, of the Scarlet Tipi. “I like how campers can vote and have a voice. I don’t see much difference in the candidates, but I voted for the underdog just to be contrarian.”
“I’m glad we found actual dead bugs for candidates,” said Izzy, 11, of the Maroon Tipi. “I liked the voter outreach, such as shouting at people as they walk by.”
“All bugs are fighting to prove their purpose in a world of selfish humans,” preached Dance Instructor Karma Engel. “I think all politicians should have mustaches. Why think for yourself when you can have someone tell you what to think? Ignorance is bliss. Justice for bugs!”
The polls remained open until the conch was blown for evening program. I met with other election officials to tally the scores. Here are the final results:
UKNOWN SCAVENGER wins with a landslide 61.4% of the electoral college.
CRANE FLY came in a distant second with 33.3%.
LADYBUG, and unexpected write-in candidate, came in third with 5.3%.
The results were revealed during the so-called Weirdo Talent Night to a resounding mixture of cheers and boos. Inaugural proceedings will take place tomorrow at Dinner Circle.
Stay hydrated,
—J. Payseno, Editor